insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
