I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
