You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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