apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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