Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
