I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
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If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.