And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I smell like Dick and happiness
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