Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...