Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
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And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Come share oat with me in your robe