Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.