fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"