I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
