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singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
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