guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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