He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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