I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
