Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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