Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
