i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
