She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I smell stomach acid.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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