Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
