I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
