Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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