Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
lol hangovers are for mortals.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
