I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
