I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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