I am puke
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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