stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize