i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize