don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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