I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
