so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
