it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
