"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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