Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
