Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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