I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So apparently I’m into choking now
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