You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
