"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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