Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
