i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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