Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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