I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
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you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
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Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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