dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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