You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
