tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
