so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I need moral support for this bender
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think weed is turning my hair brown
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
