His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
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i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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