so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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