I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
