You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
