im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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