Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
