Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
