What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
