when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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