i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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