He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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