It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
