Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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