did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
