:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
