I'm jealous of your bromance
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
