respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
