those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
A bitchslap is in order.
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