Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
