I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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