the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
