Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
