some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
