Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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