The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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