Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
