We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
