She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
