What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
