actually, I'm a sock model
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
