another moral hangover. fuck.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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