I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
