You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
