Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
