I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
