Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well I just put wine in my tea
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
