My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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