I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
