that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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