there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
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There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
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I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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