brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
