Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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