walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
