I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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