you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
