Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
