If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
