i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You need a sexual gate keeper
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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