I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
